i always think my seizures are an earthquake

in an coherent rambling about my perspective through PNES

i should preface this by saying i have a seizure condition called PNES or Psychogenic Non-Epileptic Seizures.. meaning I can have anywhere from 1-10 seizures a day when I am stressed.

I don’t always lose consciousness when I have them, sometimes it seems like my body went to sleep but forgot to let my mind know. Most of the time I have a trail of thought that continues through the seizure and I wake up ready to finish my thought. Sometimes I am knocked out cold and when I wake up I feel like I just reset my whole day.

When I stay conscious though, I can sometimes feel the seizure begin to occur; feeling a small tremor throughout my whole body- my first thought is it’s an earthquake. I wake up feeling worried that my partner, apartment or dog just had to go through such a physical shock. The panic lasts for about 30 seconds, thinking for sure this was just registered as the biggest quake yet on the Richter Scale, only to realize I was the only one witnessing this bodily scare.

I thought I would have some kind of poetic ending to this, something along the lines of each trauma we all go through hits us like that. We are convinced it affects everyone in our vicinity, often upset by the idea that they didn’t witness the earth shattering news we just did. But, as I read this back I’m not sure that it makes as much sense as it did last night.

So I guess the moral of the story is - I always fall for the idea that my seizures are everyone else’s earthquake too, but life goes on, and sometimes we are the only one’s living on the faulty crack.

ok bye,

alivia